For parents: Returning to routine after the holidays
don’t forget to unpack the joy
So in the UK, some, but not all of us, have finished the Easter holidays. And now we find ourselves trying to return to routine.
For adults, returning to our desks and resuming work may not be a completely joyful prospect, and this is a reality often shared by our children. Children, however, do not always have the emotional language to speak about the frustration or sadness of going back, the necessity of “sitting still,” and the loss of freedom and play that came with the holidays.
So this week I wanted to write something for parents: just a few thoughts and tips as we return for the last term of the year.
The transition from holiday mode to school routines can be difficult for many families, as we try to bring structure and order back into our days after a couple of weeks of being a little more flexible, and perhaps having descended into days filled with Easter chocolate and a carefree routine.
The first day, or even the first week back at school, is likely to be emotionally and intellectually draining for your child. So be prepared for more anger outbursts, irritability, and resistance to getting out of bed in the morning.
It was only a few weeks ago that my six-year-old told me that if she peeks out of bed and sees her uniform hanging on the wardrobe door, she knows it’s a school day and will retreat under the covers. But on a weekend, when she doesn’t see her uniform, she knows there’s no school, so it’s easier to jump out of bed and crawl into ours — more often than not, even earlier than our alarms are set for during the week.
While I didn’t think my daughter struggled to go to school, this insight reminded me of training I once attended, where they suggested not keeping school uniforms in sight for children who struggle with going to school. So while I didn’t think that advice applied to my child, actually, not having the uniform be the first thing they see is a good way to start the day.
Whether your child likes school or not, the next thing I want to highlight is this: what they need from you is connection and joy in the morning. If everyone gets up late and the house becomes rushed, stressed, and chaotic, it only adds stress for everyone. More often than not, those first 10 minutes of your child’s day can really set the tone for the rest of the morning.
So I would encourage you to set your alarm early enough to give yourself time to wake up properly, and then gently rouse your children. Make sure there is space for you all to have a bit of time in the morning to connect and be together, whether that means lying in your child’s bed, chatting to them, or having fun playing hide and seek or singing along to music. Everyone has a different rhythm, so whatever works for you.
When our kids struggle to get ready in the morning, or are grumpy and annoyed at the end of the holiday, it is easy for this to trigger our own stress too. We can feel like we’re the only ones motivated to get out the door on time. And the reality is that we often are the only ones motivated — kids are not invested in our desire to be on time.
Our emotional state and mood help set the tone for our children in the morning, but can also help change or co-regulate our child’s mood when they are struggling. So if you have made it downstairs and still find yourself in another battle to get ready and move forward, it is always worth asking yourself:
What can I do to bring a better mood? What can I do to regulate my child, to present a better tone which might gently nudge them in another direction?
For me, playfulness has always been a positive step. On the days when my children were grumpy, especially when they were younger, I would turn up to the breakfast table not with a bowl, but with a pie dish or a huge mixing bowl. Or I would bring out something totally bizarre. Then, instead of spoons, I would provide huge ladles or serving spoons, acting as if this was totally normal breakfast dining.
After their initial surprise, they would often laugh and point out how ridiculous I was. And while I might swap the ladles and serving spoons for more appropriately sized cutlery, I would often keep the pie dishes and the huge mixing bowls and encourage them to eat breakfast in those because it was funny, novel, and joyful. This novelty injects a sense of fun and distraction from the task of getting ready for school, instilling lightness into the morning and offering relief from the prospect of school ahead.
It’s also helpful, as parents, to remember that during this first week back we are aiming for good enough routine. We just have to gently restart. Get the minimum done, and aim to build on it.
And if we are still struggling to get out the door, yes, we could shout and raise our voices, conveying urgency. Or we could take a different tack. I find there is nothing more speed-inducing than playing the Thunderbirds theme tune loudly in the kitchen, while rushing to get our shoes on as the voice counts down from five to one before Thunderbirds 2 launches, and they often find this so entertaining that they don’t mind that I play it on repeat five times until we get out of the door.
As we resume our daily routines and get back to normality, I encourage you to maintain connection and joy with your kids, your spouse, and yourselves. Rather than just asking for compliance in the morning, try bringing novelty and wonder to nudge your family’s mood and perspective, and help everyone get out the door.
Whether at work or at school, we can’t always just make ourselves do the hard thing. And for our kids, putting on uniform and going to school is a hard thing, so remember to unpack the joy from our holiday suitcases and bring novelty and laughter into this first week back.
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